Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
