Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
