Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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