how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
