i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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