Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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