so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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