Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
