can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
