Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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