So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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