wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
