Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
