Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
