Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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