either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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