getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
