I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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