I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
