Umm I'm too high to move.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
