After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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