my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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