any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
