I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
