the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
