Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
