I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
