Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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