I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
