Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
