i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
