Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
