You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We don't watch enough power rangers
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
