the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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