Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
