he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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