You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
