i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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