My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
