Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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