I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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