It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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