Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
