I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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