Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
