eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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