i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
