A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
