Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
