i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
