I must be too annoying 4 u.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
