Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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