And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
