the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
