yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
God, I missed his penis.
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