i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
